Let downs

Yesterday was Easter. My brother, two sisters, neice, nephew, mother and grandfather all got together and had dinner at my brothers house. I was not invited, nor were my boys.  It was mentioned in passing that they were all getting together, but not one word was said as to what time, what was on the menu, nothing. Just a simple, mom is making dinner at our brothers house.  I don’t know what irks me the most, the fact that we weren’t formally invited, or the fact that my kids (who are of legal age to drive) didn’t get an invite. I know my mother hates me, but why punish my kids?  I probably wouldn’t have attended the festivities, but it would have been nice to know that I was acknowledged as being in the family. I have never been included in mother/daughter activities that the others have.  I remember we all got together and went swimming, my two sisters showed up with my mother all wearing matching sandle’s.  I felt gut punched.  I am not sure why I am never invited, maybe it is because I never accept and they are tired of it. I don’t know, but I am a part of the family, and feel I should be treated as so. 

This brings back a memory of the time my mother actually included me in something.  I was about 13, and my mother decided to take me and my younger sister to get glamour shots done.  We did the whole make-up/hair styling done. I thought this was the COOLEST thing ever because all of my friends were doing them and I FINALLY got to do something everyone else was doing.  We got to pose together, we had fun and I felt pretty.  The photographer said that it would be 2 weeks before the photos would be done so that we could order. I was so excited, I wanted to give all of my friends a photo.  Before we left, they gave my a package price sheet.  She didn’t even look at it and said to them, I wasn’t going to order anything, I just wanted to do something free with the kids. I was CRUSHED to say the least. I told all of my friends at school that I was having my glamour shots done, and now I had no proof.  That was one of many let downs my mother threw my way. One would think after being let down time after time, that I would get smart and not let it happen again.  I am not wired that way, I give the benefit of the doubt and hope for a different outcome.  I wanted her to change, I wanted her to be the mom I needed/wanted. I still hope for that after almost 40 years. I am sure it will never happen, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.